conflicted joy
As my new sunglasses wait for me in my wardrobe, my mind wanders through the last hour of shopping for the next 12 months. The rules yet to be defined, excite me. Stopping it all excites me.
The last hour. 11:04pm. As the dopamine rush envelopes me in a cloud of conflicted joy, I think about the sunglasses that sit new in their box a few meters from where I lay in bed. Purchase time 2:39pm, Wednesday, July 31st 2024. My last purchase for the next 12 months. 11:17pm. A new personality type waits for tomorrow when I slip them onto my face for the first time. I can feel a smug little smirk lifting the corners of my mouth. 'It's okay; it was totally within the rules,' I tell myself, referring to the rules that still need to be written—rules I will write tomorrow. 11:22pm. I think back to 30 minutes ago when I was mindlessly scrolling social media, my fingers moving without motivation, showing me clothes I do not need—clothes I will not buy—and things I ultimately believe I do not want. Number 12 of 350. Limited edition. *The sunglasses call to me from the next room. The smirk returns, but the dopamine is fading. 11:27pm. My eyes lazy at the site of my phone start to close, and I inevitably start to think. I'm excited for tomorrow - to start. To catch you up, from tomorrow, August 1st, 2024, I'll be taking 12 months off shopping. This is an odd path for someone who loves fashion as much as I do, but it feels absolutely exciting and totally necessary as I seek a better relationship with clothes and a better understanding of who I am. Where do I start? What are the rules? I write a list of priorities to execute before breakfast; Unfollow or mute brands on social. Remove all shopping apps on my phone. Unsubscribe - repeat - to all brand EDMS. The morning is set aside - I'll define the rest tomorrow. 11:45pm. 11:46pm. I'm watching the clock but have no idea why. I have lots of clothes, all nice and wearable. This is not such a big deal… 11:48pm. Tomorrow is basically here. Time for sleep. 🫣
good luck with this epic project